My hand turned me down
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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