it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
