So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
