i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
