He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
