I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
