i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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