I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
