I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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