Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
