You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
