it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
