You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
