Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
this is an emotional support booty call
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
