So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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