I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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