i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
