you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
