therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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