i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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