Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
