i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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