those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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