opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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