yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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