So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
