My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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