I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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