Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize