i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize