Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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