If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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