In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
