my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
