I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
