My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
