it wasn't lemon gatorade
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
