is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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