I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
