Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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