I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
