He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
