Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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