Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
