Well apparently he's into motor boating.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
