Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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