People in love make me want to vomit
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
