I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
