she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize