It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
