Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
