My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
