the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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