mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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