So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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