I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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