were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
