it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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