Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
