Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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