let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I still have a little drunk in my system
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
