how can u be prego again
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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