how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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