Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
