I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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