He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
