Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize