drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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