It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We need a shit load of segways right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
