Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
