drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize