found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
