its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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